


Hanging on by a thread

by lemon_amethyst



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Jinyoung, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_amethyst/pseuds/lemon_amethyst
Summary: Jinyoung is in love with Jackson.The statement had Mark stunned when he first heard it slipping out of Jinyoung's mouth as they were lying comfortably on Jinyoung's bed after a busy day a few months ago, because, firstly - he had no idea Jinyoung would ever like guys, secondly - who would fall in love with that dork, anyway? And lastly - it was Mark who has been in love with Jinyoung ever since their training period.Though, Mark got rejected even before he had a chance to confess - which he hadn't planned at all.





	1. Heartache

 

 

    "What should I wear?" Jinyoung asked, the suitcase opened fully as he laid out a few outfits on his bed. Mark looked up at him from the snacks he was munching, as he was sprawled on a sofa in Jinyoung and Jaebum's shared hotel room.

    "Something warm, Toronto's really cold now-"

    "Hyung, I can't be dressed like an Eskimo, we'll be filming!" Jinyoung interrupted and making the elder roll his eyes hearing that. As much as his heart hurt, he knew very well Jinyoung wanted to look pretty on his first official date.

    "You're more concerned about your date with Jackson than filming, right?" Mark snorted, turning his eyes away from Jinyoung's face as soon as it's covered in bright pink color. Mark had his poker face mastered by now, hiding his true feelings wasn't a big deal to him after years of training to restrain his overflowing feelings towards Jinyoung. Despite having a careless expression on his features when the other was looking at him, he still couldn't control his guts twisting in the most unpleasant way, seeing Jinyoung's reaction at the mention of the name of their member.

    "W-what! O-of course not, I care about my appearance in front of fans the most!" Jinyoung gasped, hiding his face into the suitcase, frantically searching for something. 

    "Whatever you'll say, Jinyoungie," Mark sighed, seeing the always calm and rational Park Jinyoung losing control over the crimson blush on his cheeks and his shaking hands, which were pulling out the rest of the clothes out of the suitcase and throwing them on the hotel bed without a care. Being in love changes people, right?  
  
    "Hyung, you know what? Sometimes I regret ever telling you about it, you're teasing me too much..." He spoke quietly, the embarrassment evident in his voice. Mark couldn't help but wince; if Jinyoung would look at him right now, he would definitely notice the change of his face expression without a fail, I _regret ever hearing about it from you, Jinyoungie._ Mark swallowed, regaining composure.

    "Who would you bother with stories of how perfect he is without hiding your true feelings, huh? You should be grateful I'm so loyal and didn't tell anyone about your crush yet-" He teased, but was interrupted by a pillow landing on his face with force, before Jinyoung's frustrated huff wafted through the room, as he left to the bathroom. Mark's teasing smile faded instantly, his true feelings rise to the surface as soon as the younger disappeared from the sight.

     _Jinyoung is in love with Jackson_. 

    The statement had Mark stunned when he first heard it slipping out of Jinyoung's mouth as they were lying comfortably on Jinyoung's bed after a busy day a few months ago, because, firstly - he had no idea Jinyoung would ever like guys, secondly - who would fall in love with that dork, anyway? And lastly - _it was Mark who has been in love with Jinyoung ever since their training period._

    Though, Mark got rejected even before he had a chance to confess - which he hadn't planned at all. _Ever_.

    But even now when he was thinking about it; even when he knows Jinyoung is gay, he wouldn't want him to find out about his feelings towards him. Knowing Jinyoung is in love with Jackson only braced him from making the biggest mistake he would ever make - confess and get rejected by the most important person Jinyoung was to him, destroying the wonderful bond and friendship that connects them. Mark knew he wouldn't even stand a chance against Jackson anyway, because he was indeed a boyfriend  material - he was honest, sweet and thoughtful. You could feel safe with Jackson around, he would treat you with care and love, you wouldn't be bored around him at all; he had a lot of friends, which he treated like a family; Jackson was warm like that. He was undoubtedly a person every parent  would like to have as their own son. While Mark was always too quiet for most of the people, he'd always choose lying in bed and sleeping instead of going to parties or even to the gym, he's awkward around people he doesn't know and he doesn't have a hobby besides playing computer games with Youngjae. He  wasn't interesting as a person… How could he compete against Jackson?

 

 

☙ ❧

 

 

    Ever since their debut, filming reality shows was always a pain for Mark. He had to come out of his comfort zone, despite his true personality, he had to pretend and participate in every activity their members did just to not be seen as the boring and passive one. He always hated how the members were making fun of him saying that his mouth is glued when he didn't talk a lot, and even though he knew they do that just to make his presence known on the set of the filming, he despised it, hiding his true feelings behind the brightest smile he could muster.

    But this time, a filming for their newest reality show was a true blessing for him. After all those years he finally got to do what he wanted for so long - skydiving. He got to do Paragliding before, but skydiving was something he desired to do in his whole life, but had no time to do with the group's busy schedule.

    Mark was so excited that he didn't even realized that Jinyoung and the rest of the group won't do it with him (after PD's persuasion, Jaebum, Bambam and Yugyeom agreed to do this with Mark. Argument: It wouldn't be fun to watch if it was only Mark,), until he heard that Jinyoung and Jackson were going to have a date, while he'll be fulfilling his dreams, flying on the sky.

    Suddenly the idea wasn't that attractive to him, anymore.

    He had to be dumb, thinking that Jinyoung would want to go with him. It was bound to happen that Jinyoung would prefer to spend his time exploring the city a bit, going shopping, eating local food - all this stuff a tourist would while visiting another country. The fact that he's going to do all this stuff with his crush made Mark even more uneasy and terribly, terribly jealous.

    The burning jealousy he felt yesterday as he watched how the two of them sat together and repeating their "Wang-gae, Park-gae" line over and over again, hasn't died even now, when he was driving with a rented car to the location, where he along with Jaebum, Bambam and Yugyeom will let go of everything and throw themselves off a plane. Mark couldn't do much about the situation, he couldn't show how not okay he is with their date, but he couldn't also be obvious and change his plan now, can he? 

    He tried to busy his mind with something else and smile for the camera, his fist clenched on the steering wheel.

 

 

  
   _It was finally happening._

    The burst of adrenaline overwhelmed him as he sat on the edge, his stomach twisting with excitement and his chest tightening as he looked at the view from the open door of the plane. The instructor, who was fastening the belts of the skydiving equipment now was left forgotten, just as everything else in this situation, even the thoughts of Jinyoung were repressed by the addicting giddy feeling of the dangerous position he found himself in. He couldn't even take the last deep breath as the instructor leaned him forward, letting them fall from the opening. 

    His arms spread automatically and the cold wind rushed into his lungs, making him choke for a second, before he could control his breathing, as he glided through the open sky; the feeling of his body falling mercilessly felt a lot like flying on an incredibly radiant blue sky - bright white fluffy clouds were mixing with intense green of the landscapes far, far below.

    His mind went blank, as the scream tore up his throat, disappearing in the never ending limit of the quiet sky. He wasn't scared - he felt stronger than ever, conquering his fears, as the emotions avalanching his entire system.

    The jump was only about two minutes long and as soon as Mark's feet touched the ground, he immediately wanted to go up again.

    Having jumped from the sky, Mark felt like a newborn person, experiencing something so extreme, so dangerous made him realize that he could overcome every issue he'll find on his way; even the dumb crush on his band mate didn't seem as a big deal to him right now, he came to realize that there are more important things in life. 

     _He did it. He won._  
   
    Only when they went back to meet with the rest of the members, their car filled with the hubbub of Jaebum, Bambam and Yugyeom's excited chattering, Mark realized the skydiving experience was only an illusion of the victory he thought he achieved over his own feelings. 

    The sight of Jinyoung standing on the platform among the rest of the members made Mark lost his newly found control over his feelings, as soon as their eyes found themselves and connecting like magnets right away. He went up the stairs towards him, hypnotized, shamelessly ignoring everyone else on his way, drowning in Jinyoung's eyes. Seeing him for the first time after such a dangerous experience wasn't any different, Jinyoung was still breathtaking and if Mark was positive he could be stronger and resist the urge to be around Jinyoung and suppress the affection he felt towards his best friend before, now he was sure he was wrong. He was still a weak man for Jinyoung, any extreme activities wouldn't make him stronger as he thought it would.  
  
    "How was it?" Jinyoung asked as soon as Mark approached him, reaching for his hand absent-mindedly. It was such a Jinyoung-thing, holding hands with his friends while talking. Even though Mark knew he does that with everyone he felt close to, it still made him stupidly happy; just for a little while he could be closer to Jinyoung and feel his warmth.  
  
    "Breathtaking," Mark replied, smitten at Jinyoung's features illuminated by thousands of colorful city lights shining in a dark night. His breath caught in his throat, as he watched how Jinyoung tilted his head in confusion, before untangling their fingers and letting go of his hand.  
  
    "You could literally die, I don't know how can you enjoy something so dangerous and be so happy about it. Aren't you afraid of pain?" The younger teased and Mark smiled slightly, because he didn't know either; being so deeply in love with his best friend who loves another guy, who's also Mark's friend is ridiculous, but Mark doesn't do anything to forget about Jinyoung, or doesn't try enough to even suppress the love that's spilling from his heart while being with Jinyoung - it does seem a bit like he enjoys pain, doesn't it?  
  
    "Our date is a total success, Jinyoung-ah, we have to do it again!" Jackson interrupted before Mark had a chance to speak, reminding him that they were still filming and that they should participate in it too. But Mark had no intention to act for the cameras, as he noticed the way Jackson's arms wrapped around Jinyoung's shoulders, hugging him by his side. Jinyoung's eyes dropped to the floor. "Can you believe Jinyoung bought me gifts?"  
   
    "Gifts?"

    "Yeah, in celebration of our first date Jinyoung bought me a sweater and-"

    "It was your idea!" Jinyoung spoke, as he wriggled out of Jackson's embrace, his cheeks burning, still avoiding Jackson's eyes.

    "But you didn't question it," He replied, "Did you want to buy me a present anyway? Hm, Jinyoung-ah?" Jackson teased, waggling his eyebrows playfully, making Jinyoung even more flustered than he already was. 

    "Ah, shut up," He heard Jinyoung say, before Mark turned around with an awkward smile, leaving the two of them in their bubble. He suddenly felt like a third wheel, seeing how the two of them acted around each other after their date. He hated that. He hated how much his mood depended on everything that happened around them, on everything Jinyoung said or did. Mark should be happy for Jinyoung, he was his best friend after all. Jinyoung entrusted him with his greatest secret which he should protect and be there for him whenever he needed him. But somehow it was really difficult. 

    Being a best friend seemed to be harder than ever now, while watching his crush being in love with someone else.

 

 

 

☙ ❧

 

 

    A few days after they came back to Korea, Mark still hasn't unpacked his suitcase. He wanted to do this today, but since Youngjae went out with Jaebum and Yugyeom, he decided to take advantage of the opportunity to take a nap, without the sound of Youngjae's screaming and keyboard smashing like it always would. It wasn't everyday their room was so quiet.

    But the silence didn't last for long.

    "Mark, is Jinyoung okay?" Jackson barged into the room, making Mark awake in the matter of seconds at the mention of Jinyoung.   
   
    "Why? Did something happen?" Mark's hoarse voice wafted around the room, as his heart started to beat faster, panicking-

    "No, everything's fine, I hope. I mean, he's acting weird, don't you think?"

    "Weird? What do you mean?" 

    "I don't know," Jackson scratched the back of his neck, as he sat on the bed beside Mark, "Since our Toronto's fan meet he seems- I don't know how to describe it, you know..." 

    "What are you trying to say?" To be completely honest, Mark didn't notice differences in Jinyoung's behavior. He would've gone to Jinyoung and ask him about it if the younger wouldn't have his own schedule today. What if there's something wrong that Mark completely missed? He only hoped Jackson is overreacting again.

    "Jackson! Are you ready? We have to go!" Their manager shouted from the corridor of their dorm, making the two of them flinch a bit. Jackson also has his own schedule in Hong Kong today, just like Bambam who left for Thailand this morning.  
   
    "Ah, well, we'll talk later," Jackson sighed, before he rushed out of the room, leaving Mark alone, confused and worried. He was sure he won't be able to sleep anymore; he felt his stomach tightening nervously and his eyes opening without his consent, as the thoughts of Jinyoung clouded his mind, bothering him without an end. He wondered what happened between Jackson and Jinyoung in Canada? Was there anything Jinyoung hasn't told him? Before he could drown himself in them, the sound of Youngjae's loud laugh filling the silence of the dorm snapped him from his thoughts, as the members came back from the department store.

    "Mark-hyung! We have chicken!" 

 

 

  
    As expected, Youngjae decided to spend the entire evening playing computer games. Mark was tired, he didn't get to sleep a lot the day before, but he wasn't tired enough to ignore the frantic sound of tapping on the keyboard, mixed with Youngjae's grunts and groans. Mark tried to hush him a few times, but the younger had headphones on his head, so only hitting him with a pillow was a success.

    After a few minutes, Youngjae started to make noises again and Mark couldn't stand it; he stood up and went to Jinyoung's room. He hoped he'll be able to get at least a few hours of sleep before Jinyoung will come back from filming. 

    Mark loved Jinyoung's room. It was small and quiet, but cozy and warm at the same time. He spends a lot of time in this room, he sleeps a lot in Jinyoung's bed too, but often when Jinyoung has his own schedules; either way Jinyoung always kicks Mark out when he wants to go to sleep.

    Mark lay on the bed, diving under the soft and fluffy covers that held Jinyoung's scent he loved so much. He cringed a bit at how obsessed he was with the younger, but he couldn't help it - having to hide his feelings in front of Jinyoung and everyone around him was getting harder with every passing day. Mark knew Jinyoung would be weirded out by his feelings towards him, that's why he had no intention of confessing to Jinyoung, so it was the only way he could feel closer to him, as he wrapped the quilt around himself and sighed in content. He fell asleep almost instantly, forgetting to turn off the small lamp on the nightstand.  
  
 

 

 

    "Mark-hyung?" Jinyoung's soft whisper awakened Mark, as he opened his eyes slowly, a drowsy smile growing on his face.  
   
    "Ah, you're back," Mark whispered equally low, as he raised up from the pillow, rubbing his eyes. The gentle light in the room was illuminating Jinyoung's face, Mark held the urge to wrap his hands around the younger and pull him down on the bed with him as he noticed the fond smile Jinyoung was sending him. His heart skipped a beat.

    "Did you have a nice nap?" Jinyoung asked, taking a seat on the bed, beside Mark, who was still covered with a quilt.

    "Yeah, I did, Youngjae was playing games again and I couldn't sleep, but I guess he's already sleeping, so I'll go now," He sat on the bed, "Sorry, I borrowed your bed again when you weren't here-"  
  
    "It's okay, I don't mind. As long as you're not drooling on my pillow," The younger chuckled, making the atmosphere slightly warmer. Mark couldn't stop staring at his best friend: he loved the way he laughed without covering his mouth with his hand as he always did. The sound of it was almost heavenly, a deep sound that came out unleashed, from the depths of Jinyoung's lungs - his true laugh, which Mark was blessed to hear with his own ears. In moments like this, Mark felt the worst. Experiencing so many triggers at every step, he had to use all of his will not to lose control over his feelings and embrace him tightly and never letting him go. Jinyoung who was so close, yet so far and out of reach.  
  
    "How was the filming?" Mark asked, refreshing his thoughts and composing himself before it would be too late. He fixed his position on the bed, trying to get out of the covers, but Jinyoung stopped him, pressing a hand on his shoulder softly, indicating to stay. Mark didn't find the strength to fight against it - he preferred to stay with him, anyway.  
  
    "It was okay. I would come back earlier, but I went for a drink with the staff afterwards, you know, I couldn't decline when they asked,"  
    "But, you're not drunk, are you?" Mark tilted his head and reached his hand to touch his chin gently to get a better look at the younger; Jinyoung was sober, Mark was sure, but his eyes- "Your eyes are red and swollen - hey, did you cry?"  
  
    "Ey, why would I cry! I'm just tired," He replied, pulling away from Mark slightly, lowering his head. He tried to defend himself with a casual tone of voice, but Mark saw this look a lot of times before; and he hated it. Suddenly an image of a worried Jackson from earlier today flashed through his mind - maybe something happened indeed and Mark was too oblivious to realize that Jinyoung's not okay? He felt a pang in his heart, knowing that something's wrong and have no clue what. Funny how Jinyoung is the universe of Mark's life, yet he couldn't even notice that there's something bugging him.

    "Jinyoung, did something happen?" 

    "No, everything's fine," He replied, as he stood up began to undress himself, but Mark stopped him, grabbing him by the hand.

    "Tell me what's wrong, I'm worried," Jinyoung turned his face to look at Mark, studying his expression, as if he wanted to see if Mark's worry was genuine, before his shoulders sagged, as he took a seat on the bed again, defeated. "Jinyoungie."

    "You- you didn't tell Jackson anything, right?" Jinyoung asked, cautious, and even though Mark could somehow predict that the issue concerns Jackson in some way, he still felt his stomach drop with disappointment.

    "Of course I didn't. Why? What happened?"

    "I have a weird feeling that he knows." Jinyoung began, "He's looking at me as if he could read my mind, it's weird, I know, but I can't look him in the eye anymore... He's intimidating,"

    "Is that what you're worried about recently? Did he say something?" Mark asked and seeing his friend's uneasiness, he attempted to cheer up Jinyoung's mood a bit, as much as it felt like scoring an own goal for his own team, "You know... He's- He's worried about you as well,"

    "He is? W-why?"

    "I would like to know why, too. Did something happen between you two in Toronto?"

    "Nothing, really. We were walking around the city, h-holding hands, we went for a coffee…" Jinyoung paused for a second, "He- He said it was the best date he ever was and he was glad it was me he went with." Mark swallowed, trying to calm his racing heart, every beat was so painful now.

    "Isn't it great?" He managed to muster, a bright smile covering the pain he felt inside, "Or are you upset he said that because of the cameras following you around?"

    "No, he told me that when we were in the van, and it really... it hit me. I don't want to have any hope, you know? I don't want him to say that if he doesn't mean it." Jinyoung explained, his eyes fixed on his fidgeting hands.

    "Oh," Was all Mark managed to say. He hadn't expected such turn of events, he didn't know if Jackson likes Jinyoung like that, but it's possible, right? Mark's expression dulled, but fortunately Jinyoung didn't look at him at that moment, the true feelings drawn on Mark's face went by unnoticed by Jinyoung. 

    "I mean- It's great! I was happy and all, but... After we came back to Korea I noticed- I sensed that he was aware of everything I did towards him and it made me flustered. When I touched his hand, he immediately looked at me or if I looked at him, he looked back… and he's pointing it out whenever I blush because of it, or-"

    "You know him. He's like that, he loves having such an impact on people, he loves to talk about it," Mark interrupted, "It... It doesn't mean he knows, but it doesn't seem like he hates you because of it if he keeps on behaving like that towards you. Maybe-" He swallowed, lowering his gaze on the carpet under his feet. Even though Mark has no chances with Jinyoung, he's convincing himself that he'll be happy with whoever Jinyoung will end up with, and Jackson was a great material for a boyfriend. Jinyoung needs someone who would make him laugh, not calm him even more with his boring demeanor Mark emits around himself. "Maybe he likes you too?"

    "A-are you serious?" Jinyoung snorted in disbelief. Mark heard a slightly hopeful tone in his voice, but choose to ignore it, as his aching heart opened; Jinyoung had been always so humble and Mark hated how insecure he was behind the cameras. Jinyoung should know how perfect he is.

    "I wouldn't be surprised. How is that you don't realize how perfect you are? You work hard whatever you do and yet you still have time to help others. You're so talented - singing, dancing, acting… is there anything you can't do?" Mark said, his heartbeat seemed to quicken dangerously; it wasn't the first time he told Jinyoung how he admires him, but today it felt somehow intimate. The dimly lit room gave Mark confidence to say everything he was envious of Jinyoung and everything he loved him for and he could go on forever praising and complimenting him, but he shut his mouth, when he noticed the way Jinyoung stared at him, before a smile broke out on his face, cheeks flushed.

    "Yah, hyung, I'm not going to let you stay in my room if it's what you're trying to bribe me to," The younger warned playfully. The atmosphere brightened around them, as Mark's chest filled with warmth, seeing the change on Jinyoung's face -  the crease between his furrowed brows smoothed as he relaxed, and Mark was glad he was the one who made that happen. 

    "I'm serious about everything I said, but you'll still let me stay, won't you?" 

    "Yes." Jinyoung nodded, his eyes fixed on Mark's, "Please, stay." He whispered and suddenly Mark's mind went blank, his heart skipped a beat, making him lose his breath for a second. _Why is Jinyoung doing this?!_ He cleared his throat, quickly composing himself.  
  
    "Don't need to beg," He laughed, but it came out slightly strained and nervous, "Don't stress yourself too much. You're tired and you should sleep, tomorrow will be another busy day." He said as he made himself comfortable in Jinyoung's bed, fixing his position to leave a place for Jinyoung to lay beside him. Jinyoung followed the suit and lay on the bed, covering himself with the quilt, his back facing Mark. 

    "Thank you for listening," He whispered, before he grabbed Mark's hands from behind him and wrapped them around his waist. It wasn't the first time they were falling asleep in such position, but it's always a challenge for Mark; he didn't know if he should cry, or be happy in this situation. All he knew was that Jinyoung probably felt his frantically beating heart against his back every time they were lying like that. Mark couldn't care much about it; apparently the suffering from the symptoms of unrequited love was addicting to Mark. "I don't know what would I do if you weren't here,"

    "I'm glad you trust me, Jinyoungie. I would do anything for you, you know that, right?"

    "I know."  
  
    "But don't get too crazy with your requests, I won't kill anyone, just so you know," Mark joked, relaxing in Jinyoung's presence, as he placed his head just above Jinyoung's on the pillow.   
  
    "Hm, what about an aegyo? Wouldn't you do it then?"  
  
    "Don't test me, Jinyoung," Mark said, receiving a soft chuckle from the younger. The truth was, he would do anything for him. And Jinyoung was aware of that.

 

 

 


	2. That Day

 

 

 

    "Okay, everyone, let's have a break for a sec," Choreographer said just  when the song they were practicing choreography for ended a  hundredth time today. The practice room filled with relieved sighs and  whines, as the teacher left the humid practice room, letting the boys  relax for a while. The large sofa that stood by the opposite wall of  mirrors suddenly got occupied, as the members threw themselves on it for the first time after almost 4 hours long practice. Mark let his body fall on the floor instead, his muscles aching and heart still beating frantically, the coolness of the floor was only a momentarily helping his heated and  exhausted body, but he had no will to stand up now, not even going to  the toilet or get himself a bottle of ice cold water.

    Still panting, he closed his eyes, as the excited murmur of the members  discussing the choreography and the new song that they're going to  come back with flew around him, but he made no attempt to join their  conversation.

    Even after all those years he's been in this business - _except the family and fans he gained along the way_ \- everything was still difficult for  him even after debuting, he still felt like he was lacking, nothing  changed. He didn't seem to get better at anything, just trying to catch up  with the rest of the members, never being fully on the position of their abilities.

    Instead of relaxing and using the break to motivate himself to get  through the rest of the practice with a clear mind, his head flooded with  memories, that haunts him till this day. Memories of the bullies that  hadn't missed any opportunity to make Mark feel like a trash just when he  came to Korea.

    Being a foreign trainee wasn't easy.  
    Even though he tried to calm his parents whenever he contacted them  after his training started, saying that everything is okay, Mark regretted  coming here after the first day. Other trainees made fun of him and  bullied him for not following the supposed rules of strict Korean culture.  He thought he knew the basics of it though, he obviously learned about it  before the trip to Korea, but experiencing it and living in it was a totally  different story. He made mistakes along with every step he was taking.

    He was always a free spirit, his parents taught him that if he'll pour his  heart and mind into something, he could do anything. That's why he didn't  think too hard about the offer of becoming a trainee - he believed he'll  be fine. He wanted to try. But even before he could try and learn things, Mark was on the gunpoint  aimed by his peers - people that's supposed to become his new Korean  friends.  
    
    That's when Jinyoung came across, saving the day and Mark's sanity.

    At first Mark had no idea what Jinyoung wanted from him, it wasn't a  secret by now that he had no friends and that Jinyoung was supposed to  make fun of him or shove him once or twice against the wall whenever  they passed by each other on the company's hallway as the most other  trainees had done. That's why he immediately took a gutsy pose, and stared at  Jinyoung with narrowed eyes, wary of his every move - but as soon as  the other's face brightened and a soft smile appeared on his face,  Mark's fighting demeanor started to crumble. Somehow he couldn't  decline when the boy asked him to go out for an ice cream in his broken  English (which the sound of was adorable); Mark was a naive man.  Jinyoung could be a bully and try to get him out of the company to beat  him up or something, but he felt Jinyoung is not that kind of person. He  really wanted to believe that, because as soon as their eyes locked,  Mark's heart skipped a beat and his cheeks heated up.

    They started to spend their evenings like that, going out for an ice cream  to the nearby park. They could hardly communicate, Mark was still  learning Korean and Jinyoung's English wasn't the best (what led to a lot  of misunderstandings between them), but somehow there was no sign of  any awkwardness between them, as they laughed their mistakes off  every time. Mark felt comfortable with Jinyoung - _just like home_.

    The bullies let Mark live when they noticed that besides Jinyoung, a few  other trainees started to hang out with him and Mark regained the faith  in the future - and it was all because of Jinyoung.

    Jinyoung was amazing. Mark was thankful.

    "Ey, stop it!" Mark's eyes opened abruptly, as Jinyoung's giggle  snapped him out of a daze and his head turned into the direction of the sound - Jinyoung was sitting on the sofa while Jackson was leaning over  him, his hands roaming on Jinyoung's shoulders, tickling his skin. 

    Mark's stomach churned with jealousy and despite of the tiredness he felt a minute ago, now he was ready to stand up to pull Jackson away from Jinyoung. He had a hard time resisting the urge to do so when Jinyoung's laugh and Jackson's whispers wafted through the practice room, along with pants of the members. His fist clenched and he closed his eyes with all of his might, trying to block every sound and image of how happy Jinyoung was around Jackson. The burning feeling that spread in his stomach wasn't that unfamiliar to him anymore; the moment he learned about Jinyoung's crush on Jackson, he started to pay more attention to their relationship which the result often tested him in so many ways. Mark couldn't stay indifferent to the way the two of them acted around each other anymore, being all teasing and lovey-dovey. 

    Considering how the two of them behaved towards each other just a few days ago, and how Jackson and Jinyoung expressed their worry to Mark, it seemed like their relationship improved. Mark should be glad they explained any misunderstandings that appeared to be between them after their fanmeet overseas and enjoy his friends' happiness, shouldn't he?

    "Hyung, here," Yugyeom said, as he pressed an ice cold water bottle against Mark's warm cheek, surprising him. 

    "Thanks," He murmured and after the younger send him a small smile, he left Mark's personal space once again, turning around and joining Bambam who was watching some videos on his phone on the other side of the room. 

    "Guys, I know it's our first practice of the new choreography, but let's do this well, eh?" Jaebum spoke, taking the position of the leader once again after his breath stabilized.

    "Okay, but it was hyung who made the most mistakes so far-" Yugyeom teased and before he could finish his sentence, Jaebum rushed towards him at full speed with his jaw tightened. 

    " _That punk!_ " The leader yelled when the doors closed in front of his nose - honestly, if Yugyeom wasn't sitting beside the doors, he wouldn't be able to escape Jaebum's anger. Mark shook his head seeing how energetic the two of them still were, as if all those hours of practice were nothing to them.  
   
    "Hyung, I'm going to the pc bang later today, want to go with me?" Youngjae asked and if Mark would ditch everything to play games before, now he couldn't bring himself to care about it. He was too tired, too hungry and _too jealous_.

    "No, I'm good," He declined earning a gasp from Bambam who squeezed himself between Jackson and Jinyoung on the sofa. Mark has to take Bambam for a dinner someday for doing this, he deserved to be rewarded for such a smart move.

    "What is happening?! Mark-hyung doesn't want to play games? Hey, are you okay? Aren't you sick?" The younger teased, putting a hand on his cheek dramatically. Mark rolled his eyes and immediately changed his mind, Bambam was too mischievous for Mark's kindness. 

    "Hm, he does look kinda off," Jackson said, as he studied his face and before Mark could say anything, Jackson threw himself on him, "Are you okay, man?" He added in English as he started to tickle him without mercy and Mark couldn't help but screech, pushing Jackson off himself  frantically with a success - Jackson moved his affections towards the leader now, who surprisingly let Jackson get away with everything he did towards him.

    The practice room's atmosphere suddenly brightened, the member's chatter grew louder, as they were joking around with each other. Mark was still sitting on the floor, and when he raised his eyes on the sofa where Jinyoung was still sitting, a white towel landed on his face. 

    "The break is over, hyung," Jinyoung spoke, and when Mark looked at him again, his heart rate sped up again, but not from the exhaustion - because of the warm smile the younger was offering him. He wiped the sweat off of his forehead, as he returned the smile; their eyes met for a few seconds, before Jinyoung broke the eye contact, fixing his gaze on the floor, massaging the back of his neck.

    Mark's eyes remained on Jinyoung's face for a while longer; Jinyoung was handsome, even without all the make-up and the stubble that was already visible even if Jinyoung shaved it in the morning. His hair was messy and a bit wet from all the practicing, but to Mark Jinyoung was beautiful even like this.

    Mark couldn't believe how Jinyoung's attention - even the smallest gesture, the look into his eyes - could restore his energy so quickly. 

    Thinking that Jackson makes Jinyoung feel like this too put him in the spiral of self-pity once again.

 

☙ ❧   
  


  
    _Flashback: Four months earlier_

    It was a rainy March evening - the one of the rarest evenings where the members could relax and spend their time the way they wanted, because the promotion of their latest single finished a few days ago. And that's what they did - relax. The most of the members decided to spend their free time sleeping; what was also Mark's plan initially too, but he couldn't reject Jinyoung's request to watch movies which he missed through the busy schedule they had since the beginning of the year. Obviously, Mark preferred to spend his time with Jinyoung beside him, being able to talk and laugh with him, seeing his handsome face, being able to receive Jinyoung's accidental touches (as an affectionate and touchy person he was) instead of dreaming about him - which happened a lot lately. Though the dreams weren't bad at all; Mark didn't have to pretend Jinyoung's presence didn't affect him in any way and he could actually do a lot more with Jinyoung than just talking and staring at him.   
  
The two of them were now lying on the bed in Jinyoung's room, their backs pressed comfortably on the pile of pillows, as the younger was searching for the movie he wanted to watch online. Jinyoung seemed to have problems with finding the right version, grunting with dissatisfaction every time the movie turned out to be in a terribly low quality, but honestly, Mark didn't care about the movie anymore as the sleepines slowly stared to take over him; the position they were in was exceptionally comfortable - the soft quilts that he was wrapped in, the warmth of Jinyoung's shoulder pressed into his and the sound of his soft breathing lulled Mark slowly to sleep. 

    "Hyung," Jinyoung spoke in hushed voice, trying really hard not to wake up the members in their respective rooms, dispelling Mark's drowsiness in an instant, "When will Jackson be back? Wasn't he supposed to be here today?" Jinyoung asked and Mark's brows furrowed for a second, before the realization dawned on his face. _Right,_ the one who wasn't present in the dorm was Jackson, who had his own schedule in Hong Kong earlier this week, but the company agreed to his request to stay a little bit longer there, so he could spend some time with his family before the preparations for their concert in Seoul will start.

    "Hm, I'm not sure..." Mark tilted his head to the side, wondering about the matter, "I don't really know when he'll be back. But it feels too good to have him out of the dorm, don't you think? So quiet..." Mark joked, earning a light hit on the shoulder from Jinyoung, who shook head at the statement. "Yah, why are you hitting me? You were the one who said he's too troublesome-"

    "I- I was joking... O-obviously!" Jinyoung answered, rising his voice a bit.  
   
    "Well, I'm joking too, Jinyoungie." Mark studied Jinyoung's face, _why did he suddenly get so protective of Jackson?_ Jinyoung seemed unusually embarrassed out of the blue, what seed the weird thoughts about Jinyoung and Jackson in his head. _Nah, it can't be it._ "You should ask Jaebum, Jackson probably contacted him if something went wrong... Why do you ask? Missing him?" He teased, scrutinizing Jinyoung's expression, which was a bad idea, because the younger jumped on the bed as if it bite him and his eyes fixed on the laptop screen in front of them, avoiding Mark's presence completely. _What is going on?_

    "Ah- What, of course not, I-I'm just wondering, you know, that's all-"

    "It's okay if you miss him, though, don't get too stressed about this. You act weird." Mark chuckled, but he wasn't in a mood for laughs, when he noticed the redness on Jinyoung's cheeks. Mark's throat went dry, as the beat of his heart increased and the weird burning feeling pooled in his stomach. He didn't know what is happening with Jinyoung, but he had a bad feeling about this situation. A _really bad_ feeling.

    "Maybe... I am weird," Jinyoung whispered after a few seconds. He looked somehow disheartened and sad what made the atmosphere around them heavy and tensed at the same time. Mark swallowed, still trying to hide his nerves under the cheerful facade, as he always would in stressing situations, but even though his intuition screamed at him to leave the room as soon as possible before anything bad will happen, he couldn't leave Jinyoung alone now. Something's wrong and Mark's here for him, as every best friend would. 

    "Weird?" He asked, offering Jinyoung a bright smile, but it faltered when he noticed Jinyoung didn't mirror his expression. "What do you mean? What's wrong?"

    "Nothing," Jinyoung said, sitting straight on the bed, his back leaning against the wall, "Let's watch the movie, I wonder if it's as good as the book-"

    "Jinyoung, did something happen? You're worrying me," He touched Jinyoung's shoulder and looked at his face. Jinyoung shook his head, smiling at him softly.

    "It's nothing to worry about. At least you don't have to worry about it, it's-"

    "What do you mean I don't have to worry about it? You're my best friend, of course I'm concerned!" Mark said a bit too loudly and even though he would like to be more than his best friend, he couldn't possibly tell him that right now. He was worried and he had a hard time controlling his emotions when Jinyoung was in such state. Jinyoung averted his eyes to the floor for a second.

    "Best friend, right..." Jinyoung mumbled, before he raised his eyes and looked Mark straight in the eye, challenging him. "Are you sure you want to know?"

    "Is it something related to Jackson? Did he do something to you or-"

    "I like him," Mark froze, the statement knocked the breath out of his lungs. _What? What did he just say?_ "I like Jackson, Mark," Jinyoung whispered, watching Mark's reaction closely, but he wasn't able to see through Mark, to see his true feelings - he couldn't know how painful the pang in his heart was when Jinyoung said it. 

    "Say something..." Jinyoung nudged Mark's side and that's when the elder realized he should probably say something, anything to make Jinyoung feel better, to show him his support and friendship the two of them had. Mark should be glad it was him Jinyoung trusted as much to tell him about his crush on another man. Mark stared at his hands that were shaking slightly, but thanks to the darkness of the room and the dim laptop screen light that illuminated their silhouettes, Jinyoung couldn't see any signs of distress that Mark went through in that moment.

    "That's... unexpected." Mark couldn't find any other safe words that would match his reaction. _He couldn't say that he hated it, could he? He couldn't tell him that he's the one in love with Jinyoung, that he loved him for a very long time already, right?_ Jinyoung liked guys, that meant that if Mark was brave, if Mark would just try and confess to him the moment he realized his feelings, there was a chance the two of them would be in a happy relationship with each other. The thought of Jinyoung liking guys never crossed his mind, that's why he had no intention to confess his feelings to him. He didn't know, _how could he know?!_ Even though Mark knew now his best friend's sexuality, he was still unreachable, because there was someone more important than Mark for him. He was already in love with somebody else and if Mark could turn back the time, he would do that in a blink of an eye. It's better not to know and live with just a bit of hope even if it didn't mean anything.

    "Are you okay with that?" Jinyoung suddenly asked, seeing his best friend's shocked face expression. _Of course Mark wasn't okay with that_.

    "W-why wouldn't I be?" Mark answered, his voice wavering slightly, as he gathered the courage to look at Jinyoung, "I'll support you, I'm- I'm happy you told me... It had to be difficult for you to deal with it alone," _Mark knew about it the best._  

    "Do you seriously have nothing against that? Aren't you afraid of me?"

    "What?" Mark asked in disbelief. "Why would I be?"

    "It's just... Guys are afraid being in the company of other guys... liking guys." Jinyoung chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

    "That's stupid. You watched too many anti-gay movies,"

    "It's not only in the movies, trust me..." Jinyoung sighed, but smiled nevertheless, making Mark's heart melt at the sight. Jinyoung was so beautiful and he'll never be his. "Thank you, I feel better telling you about this,"

    "Did you tell anyone else? Do you... plan to confess?"

    "No, no! But please don't tell anyone, I'm not ready to-" Mark couldn't help himself and grabbed Jinyoung's hand, squeezing it tightly.

    "Hey, you know your secret's safe with me. I'll take it to my grave if I'll have to," He said, before he composed himself and let go of his hand, noticing how brightly Jinyoung's eyes shined, watching Mark with adoration. He wasn't strong enough to survive the pain he felt whenever Jinyoung made him feel like he was the one. _Or was it only Mark's heart telling him lies and showing him a distorted image of the reality?_ He cleared his throat and put on a fake smile, taking the laptop from Jinyoung's laps, "Now, give me that, I'll find the movie faster than you and go bring the snack you were supposed to share with me before the rest wake up and eat them instead." He said, trying to loosen up the atmosphere by teasing Jinyoung a little and it worked; Jinyoung smiled. And it was all Mark would only hope for from now on - if Jinyoung will never be his, he had to treasure every little smile directed towards him. 

    "When did I say I'll share them with you?" Jinyoung chuckled, and went to the kitchen without waiting for Mark's response. Mark was smiling the whole time Jinyoung was in the room, but as soon as he left for the kitchen, he bite his lip trying hard to control the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes.

    He managed to pretend that nothing changed after Jinyoung's confession, as the two of them watched the movie, talking and laughing occasionally (which the sound of woke up Jaebum, who joined them for the second part of the movie, sqeezing himself between Mark and the wall and ending up sleeping anyway).

    Only when he went to sleep at night, the emotions that he tried to hide so carefully, took over him within seconds.

    He hasn't cried that much in a long time as he did that night. 

  
    ☙ ❧  
  


  
    It was the beginning of July already and the comeback was getting closer  with every passing day. Even though the structure of the whole album wasn't  decided yet, the songs were continuously added and edited out, the members  had a lot of work, going to the photo shoots, doing interviews and practicing  the choreography - not only the newest one, but also the ones they already  learned. 

    "Hey, hyung," Jinyoung approached Mark one morning just before they were  supposed to leave the dorm to go to the practice room, just as they did for the  past week. "Do you have a minute?" He asked, and Mark, even though he  was pretty busy indeed (the bathroom finally was free and it was his turn to  take the shower for which he waited almost twenty minutes), he nodded  nevertheless, because the shower can wait and Jinyoung's attention on Mark  could disappear at any moment - Jackson coming out of his room would be  enough to steal Jinyoung's attention right away. Mark couldn't let that happen;  that's why taking every opportunity to be with Jinyoung as often as he could,  was the only decision he would make.

    Without further words, Jinyoung caught Mark's arm and dragged him to his  room with an enigmatic smile gracing his features, flustering Mark, who wasn't  prepared for such actions from Jinyoung so early in the morning. The wild and  unusually vivid dream he woke up from not long ago still lingered in his mind,  giving him all kinds of weird ideas of what Jinyoung would want from him. But  instead of making Mark's dreams come true, Jinyoung shoved a pair of  earphones into his hands after he placed his laptop on Mark's laps.

    "Listen," He said, as he chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes pierced through  Mark's with anticipation. Mark smiled at his expression, it wasn't the first time  Jinyoung showing him his self-composed songs and even though Mark was  always honest in voicing his opinion about them, Jinyoung's expression would  always be the same.

    Mark put the earphones into his ears and with Jinyoung clicking on the music  file on the desktop on his laptop, the music started to play.

    The single guitar chord opened the song, Jinyoung's silky voice following right  after, making Mark sit up straight, immediately fixing his gaze on Jinyoung in  awe; Jinyoung's voice was beautiful. _"If no one talks to me, without a word, without knowing the only thing I look for is you,"_ He sang, as Mark stared at  Jinyoung's flustered expression, his breath caught up in his lungs and  goosebums prickled on his skin. The vibe was nothing Mark liked to listen to  on a daily basis, but this was Jinyoung's song - _his personality, his voice, his  everything_. Mark broke the eyecontact when the younger's eyes locked with  his, he was afraid Jinyoung would caught up on his feelings right now, when he  was vulnerable to everything concerning Jinyoung and his feelings showed on  his face without his consent. 

    He closed his eyes and concentrated on the piece, letting himself be carried  away by the music without any distraction that was Jinyoung beside him. 

    The song had a raw feeling to it; all those soft guitar chords repeating itself  simultaneously was anything but exciting, but Jinyoung's voice was a melody  itself, filling up the song with beautiful and unadorned vocals.

    The rhythm seemed to pick up after a couple of seconds, but not strong  enough to break out Mark's from his daze - only a sound reminding a snap of  fingers enhanced the soft guitar chords in the background. The soft melody  merging with Jinyoung's smooth voice was as warm and comforting as a  home; it put Mark in a peaceful mood, freeing him from all of his frustrations and  problems, wrapping him up like a blanket.

    The lyrics of Jinyoung's songs have always been poetic and sometimes hard to  understand for Mark, who still hasn't mastered Korean perfectly and learned  all unusual words and sayings to this day, but at times like this, listening to the  words coming out of Jinyoung's lips, a sound so soft, mellow and calming - he  would choose to listen to it even if it was the last thing he heard in his life.

    "What do you think about it?" Jinyoung asked after the song finished and  Mark could take off the earphones. He did so, reluctantly, as the need of  replaying the song grew in his heart, when he felt the soft notes escaped his  system slowly, leaving him wanting more; he needed a recharge of his  emotional batteries. The song was just like Jinyoung; calm and comforting and Mark loved it, _every  note of it._ He was glad he could listen to it just before the producers would lay  their hands on it and edit every trace of Jinyoung out.

    Jinyoung seemed nervous, as he rubbed his hands  together, moving his gaze from the laptop screen to Mark's face alternately. Mark smiled; _a little bit of teasing won't hurt, right?_

    "The song would be good when you have throubles with sleeping-" Jinyoung hit him on the shoulder, but smiled nevetheless.

    "What that supposed to mean?!"

    "I'm joking, the song's sounds great, so easy to listen to, so calm, makes me feel relaxed, I loved it." He said, as the warmth spread in his chest,  noticing how Jinyoung's face brightened after hearing his opinion.

    "I'm glad you like it. It would be easier for you to write the rap for it, then, right?" He spoke, a smug smile slowly grew on his face, "If the song will be  finished till the end of the month, it could be even included in the album. The  producer said that-"

    "W-wait." Mark interrupted, suddenly out of breath, his heart fluttering firmly  against his chest. _Did he hear it right?_ "Do you want me to write the rap part?"

    "You don't want to?" Jinyoung asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.  But before Mark could say how honored he felt with the request and that it was  the first time Jinyoung asking him to participate in writing lyrics with him (usually it was the producers who offered Mark's participation in Jinyoung's songs, saying the two of them have good chemistry to work together and make something great), Jinyoung added, scratching the back of his neck shyly, "You don't have to if  you don't want! It's just- Jackson said he's too busy, so I don't want to bother  him, he has a lot on his mind lately and-"

    Mark was at a loss of words. He felt a sharp pang of jealousy in his stomach  hearing it. After all, it wasn't like Jinyoung needed Mark's help with it -  Jinyoung asked him, because he ran out of people to ask, Mark's was his last  option. _Not because Jinyoung wanted to work with him in particular._ _Not  because Mark was important to him._

    "You're asking me because he didn't want to do it?" Mark didn't bother to hide  the disappointment he felt right now; he narrowed his eyes at Jinyoung,  releasing an exasperated sigh. The realization that he wasn't the first person  Jinyoung showed his piece of music to made his fist clench, as he let the  anger that was building up in his stomach swallow him whole. Every trace of the comforting peace he felt a minute ago shattered into tiny pieces. _I'll  never be important to Jinyoung._ The younger's eyes widened slightly at the  cold tone of Mark's voice and he started to fiddle with his fingers nervously  seeing his reaction, but Mark couldn't care less right now.

    "A-ah, I just saw him earlier today and asked... I should ask you first, shouldn't  I? You always see the potential in my songs, that no one ever notices and your  lyrics are always so gentle and effortless, I thought your voice would-"

    "Effortless? Do you think it's easy for me to write it? Or do you think I'm not  trying enough?" Mark interrupted, challenging him, as his eyes blazed with fire  and brows knitted together in an angry grimace. He was jealous and he  couldn't stop the emotions that were spilling out of him.

    "No, it's not it! I didn't mean it that way!" Jinyoung fought back, the disbelief  showed on his handsome face, "Your lyrics are always great, I meant-"

    "Then why is it always Jackson!?" Mark fired without thinking and realized it  only after he saw the way Jinyoung's eyes widened at the question that left Mark's lips  before he could stop himself. Mark's face blushed crimson and he lowered his  head to avoid Jinyoung's gaze, before he continued, trying to explain himself,  "If-If my lyrics are so great... Why do you always ask Jackson for help first?" He  added in a lower, whispery-like tone, staring at the keyboard of the laptop which  still was in his laps.

    "Are you angry I talked about the lyrics with him first?" Jinyoung asked after a  moment of silence. The atmosphere around them became awkward in a  matter of seconds what made Mark uneasy. Confessing to Jinyoung was the  last thing he wanted right now; he just wanted to know why it's Jackson, _why it  couldn't be him that's important for Jinyoung?_

    "Why don't you ever think about me first for once?" The question slipped out  and as embarrassing as it was, he needed answers.

    "O-of course I think about you, you're my best friend, you know that-"

    "Why can't I be more?" He mumbled, incoherently, hoping Jinyoung wouldn't  hear it. _Why can't I be more important to you than Jackson is?_

    "What?" Jinyoung asked, bewildered, as a nervous laugh escaped his throat.  Mark looked away after he put the laptop on the small night table just beside  Jinyoung's bed, defeated.  
   
    "Nothing," He said in a small voice, raking a hand through his hair, "I'll start  working on it soon, I'm not that busy as Jackson is anyway. Just send me the  file later."

    "Hyung-"

    He left the room without turning back. 

    He went to the practice room, as he passed through the hallway of the dorm,  ignoring Jaebum, who asked him something Mark couldn't even catch. He  was on the verge of angry tears, as the frustration spread in his veins like a  wildfire. _He will never be first for Jinyoung. He will never consider the  relationship with Mark as something more than friendship._ Even though  Jinyoung was so sweet towards him, they seemed to understand each other  without words, they felt comfortable in each other presences, it was not  enough for Mark. And it made him mad - mad at himself for not wanting  Jinyoung to be happy with whoever he likes; he knew it wasn't fair towards his  best friend and his behavior was childish, but he wanted to be the one for  Jinyoung so bad. 

 

 

  
    Mark hasn't spoken to Jinyoung for the whole day. They had no time to joke  around anyway, the day was filled with practices and meetings with  important people such as producers and the CEO, discussing the upcoming release. Even though on the surface everything seemed fine, Mark noticed the distance between him and Jinyoung  - no surprise, Mark pretty much snapped at him in the morning without any reasonable reason, so Jinyoung's probably sulking because of Mark's behavior. After the emotions wore off, Mark felt awful for jumping on Jinyoung like that. It's not his fault Mark is so jealous that it's making him crazy, after all.

    When Mark decided to come out of his and Youngjae's shared room later that  day, he was cautious of his every step; the sounds of the members' laughs were coming from the living room and he decided to go straight to the kitchen  instead of joining them. _Of course it wasn't like he was avoiding Jinyoung;_ he was just really hungry, it's been a while since he ate. He didn't even know if  Jinyoung was with the rest of the members, maybe he was in his room, reading or working on the song? Truth be told, Mark couldn't stand the  awkwardness between them and the fact that it was all because of his short-tempered personality and the jealousy he felt whenever Jinyoung  mentioned Jackson, made him feel even worse. He hated apologizing. But on the other hand, he should fix what he ruined. He cherished his relationship with Jinyoung too much to let it fade away like this. 

    He sat on the wooden chair by the kitchen table after he made himself a bowl of cereal and, after deciding he'll go to Jinyoung and apologize like a man after he'll finish it, he started to munch on it lazily. He took his time with it, feeling more anxious with every bite.  

    "Hyung, you're eating cereal at this time of the day?" Bambam entered the  kitchen, startling Mark a little bit, "You know, eating things like that will make  you fat," The statement made Mark snicker. Mark desired to be more muscular, but he couldn't gain any weight; eating fatty things didn't seem to affect his body, unfortunately.  
  
    "It wouldn't be that bad, would it? You should try to eat it too, then," He joked,  watching as the younger poured himself a glass of water.

    "I'm satisfied with how I look, thank you very much," The younger replied, smiling at him smugly, before Yugyeom's voice broke through the dorm walls, shouting, _"Yah, Bambam, come here, it's your turn now!"_. Apparently they were playing some kind of a game in the living room, Mark heard Jaebum and Youngjae's loud and dorky laughs, what made him wonder if today their neighbors will pay them a visit to hush them down, for what their manager will scold them in the morning (as it happened a numerous of times before). 

    After Bambam left the kitchen and joined the rest of the members in the living room, Mark was still sitting in front of the unfinished bowl of cereal, fiddling with the spoon and watching how they're getting all soggy and dense. He suddenly lost his appetite, but before he could stand up from his seat and throw the insides of the bowl to the sink, Jinyoung entered the kitchen with Jackson clinging to his back, giggling, despite Jinyoung's visible dissatisfaction.  
   
    "Let me go," Jinyoung whined, as he tried to wriggle out of Jackson's grip, but to no avail. Mark watched the two of them from the corner of the kitchen, feeling irritated all of a sudden. 

    "Not until you'll tell me which body part the fans like the most in me? Should I show my shoulders more? Or maybe the tights? What do you think, Jinyoung-ah?"

    "How I'm supposed to know? Ask them!" Jinyoung answered curtly, still trying to get away from Jackson, but the latter only tightened his arms around him. Mark looked away from them, as he tugged at his sleeves, stretching them over his hands. He should get used to this by now, he should learn how to act in such situations, but it still hurt like hell. Jinyoung was probably on cloud nine, getting all the attention of Jackson's.

    "But I'm asking what do _you_ think? What do _you_ like the most- Oh my God,  hyung, you scared me!" Jackson jumped off Jinyoung's back as soon as he saw Mark sitting by the table, he laughed hysterically, "You're so quiet I didn't notice you're here!"

    "No wonder you didn't because I'm not talking to myself like you do," Mark said, as he crossed his arms over his chest. Even though he  knew he shouldn't act so rude towards Jackson, he was also his best friend, he couldn't help it. Especially when Jinyoung avoided his gaze the moment the two of them entered the kitchen, ignoring Mark's entire existence, visibly annoyed with him. Now probably even more annoyed, seeing the behavior he showed towards his crush, _right?_

    "Ey, grumpy again!" Jackson whined, not caring about Mark's cold tone and turned to Jinyoung, who was busy preparing himself a box of some dish his mother brought to him yesterday. "Huh, just like you, Jinyoung-ah. Did you two eat something bad today?" He added, and left the room with a dramatic huff. 

    The atmosphere in the kitchen suddenly became heavy with the only two of them.

    Mark decided to pretend he's eating the meal that he planned to throw away a while before, just to have a reason to sit in the kitchen, as his mind was running fast searching for the best way he should apologize to Jinyoung. _How to start? What should he say? What if Jinyoung caught up on his jealousy? What if he knows Mark likes him and he hates him now?_ Mark took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, as his eyes wandered to Jinyoung, who was busy heating up the dish by the stove, saying nothing. Mark's shoulders were tense, unlike his heart, which was beating frantically against his chest. He cleared his throat.

    "Um... Jinyoung," He started quietly, drawing Jinyoung's attention right away, as he turned around to face Mark; just as if he was waiting for Mark to say something for this whole time. Jinyoung hummed, his eyes pierced through Mark's, scrutinizing him. Mark swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat; he only prayed Jinyoung didn't catch on his feelings. His hands started to sweat. "I'm... _Well,_ I'm sorry for snapping at you back then. It's your song, you could ask whoever you want to help you and I shouldn't... um... but, I'll write the rap- I'll gladly do it. If you still want me to." The corners of Jinyoung's mouth turned up slowly, but  his smile wasn't full; it looked like it still was something that bothered Jinyoung. 

    "It's okay though, you don't have to do that anymore." Jinyoung sighed, rubbing his arm nervously, "The company said they won't include it in the  album anyway."

    "What? Why?!" Mark gasped, the uneasiness he felt a moment before turned into worry, as he noticed how down Jinyoung probably felt, he was so excited to show Mark his song this morning and now knowing all the hope for it to be released get crushed down by the producers made Mark really angry. _Do they even know about music at all?!_

    "The song's too calm in their opinion. It wouldn't match the album's style. They would change it, add the beat and rewrite some parts of the lyrics I've already written, but then... It wouldn't be my song anymore," He said, lowering his gaze to the floor, defeated. _Jinyoung was right._ Such masterpiece shouldn't be ruined by the producers and editing team. 

    "Good thing you didn't let them change it. I really liked it the way it was. You can always release it when another opportunity arises," Mark wasn't the best at comforting people, he was good at listening, he could lend a shoulder for anyone to cry on, but talking wasn't anything he could do right - he never knew what to say to make people feel better. Whatever Mark just said, though, made Jinyoung's face brighten a bit, as he ran a hand through his hair with a warm smile on his face.

    "T-thank you... But anyway. I shouldn't have bothered you, we're busy now, we should focus on other things... But, really, thanks," His cheeks flushed as their gazes pulled towards each other like magnets, the surroundings around them fading away. Mark's smile grew on his face, as he desperately tried to imprint the image of Jinyoung's adorably shy expression - it wasn't often Mark saw it, after all. Even though Mark was honest in praising Jinyoung's song, it seemed like he didn't expect that, as the embarrassment took over him. Mark had a hard time holding the urge to run up to him and wrap his arms around him in a tight hug and protect him from the world (and maybe stole a few kisses, if the hug wouldn't freak Jinyoung out enough already), but before Mark had a chance to resist his urges and go with the flow, to his nostrils dashed a very unpleasant smell of burning food-

    " _Oh my god_ ," Jinyoung gasped, breaking their eye contact, as he turned around and grabbed the pan from the stove with his bare hand without thinking, the hotness of the panhandle made him yelp in pain as it slipped from his grip and fell to the floor with a loud noise, the content that looked like tomato sauce sprawling all around the kitchen floor.

    "Be careful!" Mark rushed to him and took his hand, leading him to the sink as he run the scalded area under cold water in no time. Jinyoung hissed quietly as the water hit his skin, while Mark inspected the wound on his hand. Fortunately, it was only a small injury. 

    "Hold it like this, don't move," He instructed as he reached for the first aid kit they keep in the upper cabinet, swiftly avoiding the mess of burned food on the floor. Jinyoung chuckled quietly.

    "It's okay, it's only a small mark-"

    "Small or not, it has to be treated," Mark reasoned, ignoring Jinyoung's protests, while he was searching for the cooling gel that was supposed to be in the aid kit. Strangely, it was nowhere to be found.

    "I can do it myself, I'm an adult, you know," Jinyoung remarked with amusement dancing on his features, his hand still under the stream of cool water.

    "But I'm older and you're my baby," Mark stated without thinking, _crap!_ "I mean, like, not _my baby_ , I mean a small kid, like younger than me-" Mark tried to explain his choice of words, but he wasn't that convincing with the deep blush on his cheeks. Jinyoung seemed to have a great time seeing him so miserable; his loud monotone laugh filled the kitchen, as he brought his injured hand up to cover his mouth, while the corners of his eyes crinkled, what made Mark even more flustered. Mark wanted to die in that moment.

    "I'm not _that_ young, you know," Jinyoung said, still giggling, but Mark had enough of such embarrassment, as he took his hand and dabbed the gauze lightly on the reddened skin after he dipped it under the cold water.

    "Don't move," He said strictly, sulking, but Jinyoung wasn't done with the teasing, as he chose to knock Mark out with his next statement:

    "Okay, okay, _Dad_ -"

    "Oh My God!" Bambam shrieked, as he suddenly showed up in the kitchen, Jaebum and the rest following. "Hyung! Did you just call Mark _"Dad"_?" Jinyoung had no time to answer his question as the sudden crowd gathered in the small kitchen, stopping Jinyoung from embarrassing Mark even more and making him a bigger mess than he already was, _not that Mark had any fantasies of him calling him that-_

    "What happened? I heard the noise-" Jaebum asked, ignoring Bambam's excitement, as he approached the two of them, the rest of the members followed him with curiosity, briefly eyeing the mess on the floor. Bambam grinned.

    "Ey, someone's got a lot of cleaning tonight!" He teased, when Jackson squeezed himself through the crowd of bodies standing in the doorway and rushed to Jinyoung.

    "I want to be a Dad, too!" He joked, before he noticed the wound on Jinyoung's hand,"What happened?" He asked, grabbing Jinyoung's hand away from Mark's hold, examining the wound. Mark felt the rush of adrenaline by the younger's gesture, but tightened his jaw, trying to compose himself. He turned around to tuck away the first-aid kit, avoiding the sight of the change of Jinyoung's expression the moment Jackson entered the kitchen. He had to endure it, _endure it, Mark_.

    "It's okay, Jackson, it's just a small wound-" He heard him say, his tone of voice suddenly a lot softer.

    "No, Jinyoung, come with me, I have the cooling spray in my room, we have to treat it professionally," He said, as he lead Jinyoung out of the kitchen. Mark sighed, _so that's where the cooling spray was._ Weird how it was never used by any of them and when it was needed the most, it happens to be in Jackson and Jaebum's room. Jinyoung is lucky tonight. Heaven and earth seemed to play out today to his advantage, there's so many opportunities for him to spend his time with Jackson, _huh?_

    "Okay, so who will clean this up?" Jaebum spoke, breaking Mark's train of thought. The rest of the members avoided Jaebum's gaze, trying hard to pass him by unnoticed, but Bambam, as brave as he has always been, spoke up.

    "Wouldn't Jinyoung have to do this? He made the mess-"

    "Okay then, Bambam and Yugyeom, clean this up," The leader announced lazily, as he turned to leave the kitchen with snickering Youngjae by his side.

    "Why me?! I didn't say anything!" Yugyeom whined.

    "But you two are the best buddies, right? _Young & rich,_ was it?" He teased, "Hurry up, the sooner you'll start, the sooner you'll finish,"

    "Fighting!" Youngjae boasted, before bursting into a fit of giggles and disappearing from the kitchen along with Jaebum. The maknaes groaned. 

    "Would it hurt if you just stayed quiet?!" Yugyeom sniveled, stamping with his foot helplessly, almost looking like a sulking child, but Mark wasn't surprised. He somehow felt bad for them; the mess on the floor looks like it'll be a pain to clean. He send them a reassuring smile, as he left the kitchen, giving up on eating anything for tonight and going straight to his room.

    He stared at the doors where Jackson and Jinyoung disappeared behind. His shoulders slumped, as he released a breath, he hadn't noticed he was holding for all this time: though it was by no means a breath of relief - it was a great troubled sigh of a defeated person, trying to cope with the most vulnerable positions in which a person could be. The truth is, Jinyoung will never know how he truly feels. Mark would rather die in torment to salvage whatever relationship he has with Jinyoung, than to risk for it to be shattered completely.

     _But why couldn't he keep his emotions in check as he always would since the moment he realized his feelings for Jinyoung? Why was it so difficult now to be composed whenever Jinyoung was around?_

    It was slowly getting out of his hands.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for the lack of updates for like... a few months?! I don't know why it happened, but I had a terrible writer's block. I recently changed jobs and I was so busy, I barely had any time to relax, not to mention having time for myself... So yeah, I hope you're not disappointed in the chapter and that you're still wanting to read the story ;u; (omg I'm so nervous)
> 
> I'll try to update this fic more often now, since now the upcoming events will be more fun to write :') 
> 
> (also I want to say sorry for anyone who thought this story would be a legit non-au fic based on real events and everything... To be honest when I started to write this fic I wanted to make this story like that, but after thinking the idea through I decided to go against it. So, I'm sorry ;n; ) 


	3. Losing Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 12345 years I managed to finally write the chapter. I added some new tags, so check them out. I think the whole story will have about 8-10 chapters and I hope I'll be able to write another chapter really soon. Wish me luck :)
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what do you think about the chapter! Please? I hope you'll like it!

 

Mark sighed.  
It was a free Friday morning, just before the schedules of a few members started. He was sitting on the couch in the living room while the rest of the members were sprawled practically everywhere around the room, watching some crazy reality show, where people were doing a variety of questionable things in order to win large amount of money.

Even though Mark would enjoy shows like those just fine, he wasn't interested to watch it right now with the others. He was occupied by checking people's complaints in the comment section of their performances on music shows, to get in the mood just before their comeback. _Complaints_ \- the ones he always tried to ignore and claim to not care about. He knew there was always a bunch of people critiquing their music, their appearance, questioning their talent - but now, he suddenly started to care more for the negativity people were sending their way - or more precisely - _his way._

_"Mark can't do a proper mat anymore!"_

_"He's so lazy now! Does he even care about GOT7's performances?"_

_"Does he even exercise? He has no abs! Only pretty face!"_

_"He is a rapper, but he can't even do that right!"_

Mark read the comments as his guts tightened. In the sea of praises, his eyes seemed to catch only the hateful ones; only those mattered to him the most. He usually doesn't take them too seriously, but now, when his life and mentality was in such a bad place, where everything is cumulating - the jealousy towards Jinyoung who would always look only at Jackson, the never ending stress of being an idol, the constant objections from producers, singing teachers - he couldn't help but to dive in the negativity, which was exceptionally easy nowadays. He always got hate from netizens just like the other members did, but he was too busy to actually think and care about them, while trying his best to have a successful debut with his group members.

Mark was falling into the pit of loneliness and doubts in his own talent, over thinking while having more and more free time while the other members had their own schedules like acting in dramas, reality shows or just hosting a radio shows. Mark always was a person who had difficulties to open up and speak or entertain anyone with his jokes since he had a specific sense of humor, and instead being like Jackson, who could entertain every gloomy person, his own jokes were causing awkward smiles or cringe attacks in comparison. That's why the company came up with the idea of an image for him - an image of quiet and mysterious rapper who's great at martial arts, adding more character to his intimidating image.

The truth is Mark didn't really like to do martial arts too much, so he was thankful their choreographers didn't include it in their new dance routines, which seemed to disappoint some of their fans. He doesn't have to attend the practices as often as before, what made him more diligent in other aspects - he had more time to learn rapping, singing and Korean, which he still wasn't as fluent as he would like to be.

After all he went through, after all those injuries and dedicating a lot more time for practicing at the gym, instead of learning how to rap or sing before debut - exactly hate comments about his martial arts tricking pained him the most.

"What are you reading, Mark-ah?" Jinyoung threw himself beside him on the couch, honorifics forgotten, as always, but Mark didn't really care if it came to Jinyoung. It wasn't like he adapted to Korean culture and wanted some respect from younger people than him - he just really liked when Jinyoung's lips spoke his name, with this little endearing _ah_ at the end, "You're deadly serious, what is it?" The younger leaned towards him, peeking at the screen of Mark's phone, his body pressing to his side.

"Nothing," Mark answered, ignoring the sweet scent of Jinyoung's freshly washed hair that dashed into his nostrils as the younger practically laid his head on Mark's shoulder. He quickly closed the app, so Jinyoung wouldn't see what he was reading and make a fuss about it, especially when Mark always claims he doesn't care about people's comments at all.

He didn't know when he started to bottle up everything inside him, starting from the feelings he felt towards Jinyoung, through all his insecurities in his own abilities, finishing on even the smallest things that didn't really matter. Somehow, he felt he was distancing himself more and more from the members, especially from Jinyoung.

Jinyoung stared at Mark for a while, as if trying to read into his soul, find the truth behind his eyes, but shrugged after a second and left Mark's personal space, taking with him the scent and warmth which his body emitted.

Mark sighed again, as he fixed his eyes on the TV screen, trying to enjoy the reality show as much as he could, acting as if all those comments and ignorant opinions of people did nothing to him - which in fact was the opposite.

 

 

He laughed a bit from time to time, because watching people get into the most awkward situations just to get some money was actually amusing. That was until he heard Jackson's voice as his silhouette emerged from the hallway of their dorm, his focus out of control.

"Jinyoung-ah, you know how much I love you, right?" He asked, the sentence made Mark's jaw tight in seconds, as Jackson searched for something, looking at his phone from time to time. He was in the middle of packing his suitcases because he was flying to Hong Kong to his solo schedule later that day. He was probably already late. Jinyoung laughed, shaking his head.

"What do you need now? Is it about the thing you asked me before?" He crossed his hands over his chest, feigning ignorance, but his pink cheeks gave him away by how much he liked such confessions from Jackson. Mark lowered his eyes on his laps, trying to ignore the pain in his chest.

"Yeah, it's close to the place where you're filming tomorrow, anyway. So? Will you get it for me? Pretty please? Jinyoung-ah? Hm?" He pressed, drawing Mark's attention. _What would he want from Jinyoung?_

The younger tilted his head and reached to scratch his neck with an uneasy expression.

"I'm not sure, I don't know if I have time-"

Jackson threw the shoe he was currently holding, as he was trying to fit the pair in already packed suitcase, and run up to Jinyoung, catching his arms, pouting.

"Please, I beg you, I can't live without it and they sell the best ones there! It's really close!" If Jackson was so desperate, it was probably about one thing - organic products he needed in his diet. Whether he was so crazy about them because of his poor health or just his own whims, the fact that he was so busy with his own things, his own schedules, fetching people to get him things made Mark irritated. And it seemed Jinyoung wasn't that fond of the idea either.

"I don't know if I'll be able to sneak out, Jackson. I had quite a trouble when I sneaked out just to go to the pharmacy last time-"

"Why wouldn't you go there by yourself?" Mark broke out. His cold tone of voice was probably harsher than intended, as the whole room froze and everyone's eyes turned to Mark at that moment. Mark wasn't good at managing his anger and he knew his anger wasn't really well-founded a lot of times, but this time his outburst was justified. Mark just didn't want Jinyoung to get into trouble because of Jackson. _Again_.

Jackson laughed incredulously, making Mark's anger even deeper; _how could he be so reckless about such matters?_ Jinyoung could receive a penalty from the managers again, and have some issues with the director of the movie, hindering the shoot by leaving the set, while he has to be ready at any moment!

"Ey, you know I'm going to Hong Kong in the evening and I won't be back until Monday!" Jackson said, leaving Jinyoung's shoulders, backing off a bit so he could look at Mark, who ignored him, staring straight at the TV in front of him; people on the screen were laughing, but no one in the room dared to. The atmosphere was tense.

"Then go there when you're on your way to the airport and don't involve others to risk their jobs for you," Mark spoke, feeling the burning anger spreading over his entire body slowly, his voice slightly louder and his eyes still fixed on the screen, before Jackson covered his view by standing just in front of him, challenging. _Typical_ , Jackson hated when he was ignored.

"I speak to Jinyoung, so you shouldn't involve yourself right now," Jackson remarked lowly, and when Mark stood up from his seat, the members circled around the two of them, ready to intervene whenever the things get out of control. Jinyoung approached them, his eyes jumped between Mark and Jackson worriedly, his lips stretched in a strained smile.

"Guys, really, that's dumb, I can go there, it's not a big deal, I was just teasing-"

"Oh?" Jackson interrupted Jinyoung's sentence as his face expression darkened dangerously, "I have an idea. Maybe Mark- _hyung_ will do it for me since he's the only one who doesn't have anything to do, since he doesn't have a single schedule for weeks?"As that being said, Mark caught Jackson's collar and that was the cue for the members to interfere.

"Hey-" Jaebum started, as he grabbed Mark's shoulders, but his sentence was cut off when the elder wriggled out, snapping through his teeth with forced restraint:

"That's because I hate to make a fool of myself in front of people like you do-"

"At least you have a roof over your head just because I'm making a fool of myself for the group's sake!" Jackson barked back, before he added, smirking menacingly, "Oh, no I forgot that your parents are sending you money anyway so you don't have to work hard for the group-"

"That's enough!" Jaebum cut in again, separating the two apart, pushing on their chests with force; Jinyoung and Bambam held Jackson, while Yugyeom and Youngjae went to Mark.

"Stay away from it, Jaebum. This guy apparently has some issues to resolve with me,"

"Just shut the fuck up, Jackson-" Mark's eyes narrowed, as he breathed heavily, seething with anger. Jackson snorted.

"Wow, _hyung_ , I'm even surprised you can talk back to me since you're so mysterious and fucking quiet!" The scathing tone of his voice made the conflict even worse and when Mark lunged toward Jackson to grab him by his collar again, the manager barged into the room, cursing.

"Yah! What is it all about? You're a team! If you don't resolve it right now and make up I'm giving you a penalty and we'll meet at the company!" He yelled, watching the two of them with bewilderment. Mark wriggled out of Yugyeom's and Youngjae's hold, huffing. He heard the manager scolding them some more, but ignored him entirely, as he turned his back to the scene, his fists clutched on his sides. Even though he didn't see the member's faces like this, he felt their eyes on him and his flushed face darkened its color - that's when he realized he crossed the line again.

"Jackson, take your baggage, we have to go," Mark heard the manager say, as he turned to leave to his room, "Jaebum and Jinyoung, get in the van with us, I'll drop you at the company."

"What for?" Jaebum asked, but Mark didn't hear the answer, as he slammed the door shut.

 

 

 

Mark spent the rest of the day at his and Youngjae's shared room. The dorm was surprisingly quiet, even though the maknaes were there, having no schedules just like him.

He assumed they were cautious not to anger him after his outburst, and choose not to get in his way.

He sighed, covering his face with the quilt as he was laying on the bed. _I'm so stupid_.

Mark's mood got better slightly after he talked through messenger with his friends from his home country; he was glad that even though the time zones were different, he could interact with them, to focus on other things like hearing about their lives and gossiping about some of their other friends. He hardly ever told them about his life, it wasn't like they would understand, _would they?_ Living in Korea was a totally different story as living in the states - not to mention being a public person, an idol in breaking through, slowly rising dance group. Whenever he would say he's tired from all the practices, that he felt untalented, unneeded, lost - his friends would cheer him up by saying: _But you're famous! You know how many people would want to be in your place?!_  
  
Words like these didn't make him feel better, at all. So he stopped confiding in them his deepest secrets and focused on their lives instead. Either way, he was happy he was going to see them just before the album will be finished and they'll come back with new music - which was supposed to happen in two weeks. He couldn't wait, he missed them - especially his parents, who understood him a little bit better than anyone else.  
  
  


The anger and frustrations soon evaporated from his system, leaving him tired and... _embarrassed_. He was yet to learn to admit to his own mistakes, he still found it hard to be able to admit openly that his behavior was childish, but deep inside the nagging feeling was jabbing at him, reminding him about the whole situation and he couldn't help but feel stupid about all of this. He might be aware of his mistake, _but what's the point now?_ He'd made a fool of himself already. It was too late to turn everything back.

_But why was he so harsh towards Jackson - his best friend - it the first place?_ It may be the hate comments he had read, making him feel miserable just before Jackson showed up, or maybe it was the person of Jackson who irritated him, his behavior, nagging at Jinyoung to do something that could've brought him trouble, or him being all overthe younger... _or everything at once._

_He fucked up_.

Jackson's mad at him, Jinyoung is probably too, since Mark acted like a jerk towards his crush. Jaebum probably will have a talk with him later about the whole situation. The rest of the members will avoid him like they do right now... He groaned helplessly under the covers. _He was so so stupid it hurt._

"Hey, hyung…" Youngjae's quiet voice resounded, making Mark's breath hitch, as he uncovered his head to look at the younger, _when did he even entered the room? Mark hasn't heard a thing!_ "Um, are you asleep?" Youngjae asked, taking a few hesitant steps towards Mark's bed. The elder fixed his position on the bed, sitting up, as he raked a hand through his messy hair. "Is... is everything okay?" Mark realized he had a slight headache, but Youngjae probably didn't ask about his physical well-being.  
  
"Everything is just fine, Youngjae-ah," He answered, flashing him a smile. Youngjae didn't buy that, though, as he shook his head, taking a seat on his bed that was placed on the opposite side from Mark's.

"I don't think so, hyung. You can't fool me," He stated. Mark shrugged at this, what made Youngjae frustrated, as he continued. "Hyung~ we're a team, we're always talking about problems that's occurring in our team. We have to be honest with ourselves for it to work, don't make it harder-"

"Am I making it hard for you guys?"

"N-no, you know what I mean! We're- We're a team, we should try and talk about the issues, not ignore them and hide them even deeper, it doesn't make them go away," Youngjae pleaded, as his eyes studied Mark's face for any sign of giving up and spill his heart out to him. But he saw none. Mark was stubborn.

"Youngjae-ah-"

"Mark-hyung? Are you there?" Suddenly, Jinyoung's voice resounded in the room, as his handsome, although tired face peeked through the opened doors, causing Mark's heart to skip a beat. Or a few. It had to be already late if Jinyoung was back from filming, he thought rapidly, before Youngjae heaved a relieved sigh.

"Finally back! Maybe Jinyoung-hyung will get it out of you, he always has a way with you," He winked at Mark, making him flustered. _What in the world was that supposed to mean? Was he that oblivious to others that he was head over heels in love with Jinyoung?_ Mark's face covered in blush as he looked at Jinyoung who was smiling gently at the doorstep.

"Thirsty, hyung?" Jinyoung asked, raising a bag full of soju into Mark's view; the clinking sound of the glass bottles spread around the deadly quiet dorm.

Before Mark could think about the offer, his body reacted by itself - he nodded.

He couldn't say no to Jinyoung. He was whipped.

 

 

  
It was the middle of the night, as they were sitting in Jinyoung's room, on the carpet, drinking soju in silence. The other members were sleeping, so they tried to be as quiet as possible, but since their conversation didn't flow that well, there wasn't anything to worry about. The atmosphere between them was comfortable for Mark - he was happy even being close to Jinyoung, without exchanging any words with him - but Jinyoung seemed _hesitant? Nervous?  
_

The younger's eyes darted from his glass to Mark, the uncertainty overtook his face; he was chewing on his bottom lip as if he was intensively thinking about something, as if he wanted to speak up, but hesitated. Mark could predict what it was that made him like this. Jinyoung probably wanted to ask the question Youngjae asked before - _what is wrong?_ And Mark shouldn't be surprised. It was clear to Mark that Jinyoung wanted to know what made him jump on Jackson without a reason - even though Mark was known for his short temper, this time he did this without a visible reason. And it happened a few times this week already. Jinyoung's probably worried about his best friend fighting with his crush; that was clear.

But if Mark could choose, he would rather not hear the question now. Mark wouldn't have any idea what he should say if Jinyoung will ask him what made him behave like that towards Jackson, because Jinyoung wouldn't believe if he say it's _nothing_. It couldn't be _nothing_ , it's not normal for best friends to fight without a reason. But Mark obviously can't tell the truth - that he's going crazy with jealousy, the feeling making everything else harder and more depressing like never before.

Jinyoung sighed, and finally spoke.

"I had so much stress today… I couldn't play out this stupid scene, we were replying it twenty of times, yet the pd wasn't happy about the outcome anyway... I don't know what they want from me? I did everything they asked me to," Jinyoung started, his voice was slightly slurred; he wasn't blasted with the alcohol yet, but looked slightly buzzed. His cheeks flushed with pink tint and hair was a mess because of his fingers often reaching to shove the strands away from his face. Mark couldn't take his eyes away from Jinyoung, as the younger was filling their glasses with soju, his slightly unbalanced movements and the constant pout that his red lips formed made Mark's stomach feel fuzzy. He wanted to kiss those lips so bad.

Jinyoung, though, wasn't done with his complaining, and before Mark could squeeze some kind of comforting words out of him, Jinyoung continued.

"You know… I really don't like the character I'm playing... He's a fucking moron. I hate to be associated with him, I don't want to be seen through the prism of this role, you know?" He said, shoving his hair back from his eyes, again, unsuccessfully, because the strands fell on their place right away. Mark knew the story and the character Jinyoung was casted as. A young man trying to help a bullied girl and instead of helping the girl, makes everything worse. _Kinda like me_ , he pointed out in his thoughts.

"You don't have to worry about that, you know?" Mark said, drawing Jinyoung's attention, as he lifted his chin to look up at Mark with curiosity, "People will acknowledge you by what an amazing actor you are, that despite of how intelligent and great person you are, you can play a role of such a wimp, that's an accomplishment,"

Jinyoung laughed, making Mark's chest fill with warmth, as a smile broke on his face.  
  
"What! I didn't think about it that way, oh my god," Jinyoung burst out in a fit of giggles, before fixing his eyes on Mark, who felt a blush rising on his cheeks, "Hyung, you're funny,"

"Am I?" Mark asked, lowering his eyes on the glass of soju, fiddling with it shyly, trying to focus on it instead of the soft tone of Jinyoung's voice and the gentle gaze the younger studied him with. Mark's heartbeat sped up as the sudden, tense atmosphere that leaned over them and Jinyoung, unknowingly, seemed to be eager to make it more tense and make Mark's pulse even more frantic at the same time.  
  
"You always make me feel better. My problems seem to disappear, they become so trivial, just after hearing your encouragement... isn't it weird?" He whispered, his glassy eyes held Mark's gaze, refusing to look away, as if he was too eager to find the answer. Mark's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, as the dimly lit room hid his flustered expression. His hands were sweating, and the butterflies made an appearance in his stomach, making it hard to control his feelings.

Mark broke the eye contact, as he lowered his eyes to look at the carpet. He gulped nervously.

"I don't know." _Because Mark felt just the same about him_. "I'm happy you acknowledge my efforts to make you feel better though," He chuckled awkwardly, trying to lighten up the atmosphere, but Jinyoung was still serious, as he leaned towards Mark, hovering over the empty bottles of soju. Mark didn't understand what is going on, his eyes went wide; Jinyoung had to be really drunk by now, seeing how Jinyoung's eyes travelled over Mark's face - he would swear the younger's gaze fixed on his lips for a split second.

"I want to, too," Jinyoung murmured, but Mark was too stunned to comprehend _what does he mean?_

"W-what?"

"I want to help you too," Jinyoung said, reaching to touch Mark's hand that lay on his knees tenderly. Mark wanted to die. _Why is Jinyoung doing this? Why is he making it so hard for Mark to breathe?_ Jinyoung bit his lip and looked at him from under his eyelashes, "Hyung... I feel like we're falling apart because of my schedule. We didn't have a comeback yet and we don't see each other often. And I feel... I feel like I'm missing something. Did something happen to you? What's wrong?" The question Mark was afraid to hear, fell on his shoulders just in this moment.

Mark faked a smile, and before he could deny everything - Jinyoung added, squeezing his hand just to make an impact on his words:

"Don't try to bullshit me, I'm just warning you," He warned, giving him an encouraging nod as if giving him a cue to spill out his heart, whatever is bothering him.

But Mark couldn't say what's wrong. He couldn't say that the jealousy and the feelings he's bottling up inside are trying to get out and it's so hard to manage them lately. He opted to tell it as generally as he could.

"I'm just stressed." He said, avoiding Jinyoung's eyes in case the younger would magically tell what is it that really bothers him.

"We all are, hyung. We always were and you didn't act that way before." Jinyoung argued, his tone soft and worried; his shoulders slumped as he fixed his position on the floor, increasing the distance between them as it was in the beginning of their drinking session. Jinyoung's hand was still wrapped around Mark's, though, brushing his thumb over his skin, driving Mark crazy - he was on the verge of leaving the room, because it was hard to lie to Jinyoung's face when he was like this. So caring and tender. "Say... Did you read some bad comments again? You weren't one to care about them though, you always tried to be positive, what changed?" He took Mark by surprise. _Jinyoung had to see him reading the comments today._

Mark was in trouble.

The younger sighed, getting no response from Mark. His heart sank when Jinyoung's grip on his hand loosened, to finally let go after a moment.

Jinyoung drank a shot.

"I hope you didn't let Jackson words get to you, hm? You know he gets really mean when he's arguing, but he doesn't mean that, he's just... impulsive," Mark knew Jackson wasn't at fault. It was him who provoked Jackson and made him say all those things. In fact - the things he said... Jackson was right about all of them. It wasn't Jackson's impulsiveness, it was just a cold gust of the truth into Mark's face. Truth that everyone was scared to tell Mark personally.

"I know I should apologize to him. It was me who jumped on him first. You don't have to remind me." Mark took the glass of alcohol and drank it down with one swift move. He shuddered at the bitter taste, as the liquid burned through his throat.

"I didn't try to remind you. That's great you want to apologize... but, hyung… what made you to act like that?" Jinyoung asked quietly, slightly tripping on his words. Mark shot him a glare, but his face softened as soon as his eyes met with Jinyoung's sparkling ones.

" _What made me?_ " Mark asked, muffling the sudden irritation that tried to come out. He sighed. "Jinyoung, you were in trouble the last time you sneaked out of the shot. You know you can't keep on doing that-"

"It wasn't a big deal, besides... Jackson is really busy and you know how he takes care of his body, he needs those organic products in his daily diet, however they work on his body," Jinyoung smiled, "It's fine. Really. Stop worrying about so many things, hyung. And if you do worry and can't help it, at least- at least talk with someone about it, even if it wouldn't be me... Just talk with anyone," Jinyoung's tone was somewhat sad and Mark didn't know what to get out of his expressions. He was smiling at him so genuinely, so softly, but there were sad undertones to his smile; Mark held the urge to wrap his hands around his slim frame and press his nose in the crook of Jinyoung's neck at this exact moment. But he couldn't. Instead, he felt like he should at least be a bit honest with Jinyoung, for everything he's trying to do for him. It wasn't fair, Jinyoung treated him like a best friend after all - _even if for Mark Jinyoung meant a lot more than this._

He decided to tell him a bit more than the constant lie that he's feeding everyone with.

"Hm?" Jinyoung hummed, seeing Mark's hesitancy.

"It's... I'm just stressed by our comeback." _True_ \- a fraction of the whole truth. "The dance… It's so hard, I don't get it at all and it frustrates me because... I don't want to ruin our opinion as a group, that's all." Mark would lie if saying it didn't make him feel better. It did. Even though it wasn't everything that bothered him, at least it was something. A beginning. Jinyoung nodded, as he moved closer to the elder, stumbling a bit.

"I understand." He said, putting his hand on Mark's knee, "We still have some time till the comeback, we practice every day. So, don't worry about it, everyone has their own time needed to learn the dance routine, you- you can do it," Mark wanted to laugh, seeing how Jinyoung was trying his best to spell the words correctly, as the alcohol was making his tongue clumsy, "You're in GOT7 for a reason, Mark,"

Mark snorted, as he turned his head away from the younger, hiding his face that blushed with crimson at the blunt statement. Mark was embarrassed, but hearing such encouraging words from Jinyoung - such amazing and talented person, his best friend, the love of his life - made him extremely happy, even if he didn't really believed in his words.

Jinyoung was pouting and his face was all red when Mark turned his face towards him, and fixing his eyes on him once again. He chuckled at how passionate Jinyoung was about his statement.

"Why are you laughing!? Wow, are you seriously doubting my words right now? I'm disappointed!"

"Kind of, I can't seem to read you that well when you're drunk," Mark laughed, earning a punch on the shoulder - a coping mechanism whenever Jinyoung felt embarrassed, "Ouch!" Mark hissed through his giggles. _Jinyoung was so adorable._

"Hey, be quiet, you'll wake them up!" _Another smack._

"Then don't hit me!" _And another._

"I need to! Someone has to shake you so you could return to your right mind-" Jinyoung's statement was cut off abruptly, as Mark grabbed his hands, pinning them on the floor with a bit of strength. He smirked in victory when the younger stopped wriggling, sitting in place, being pinned to the carpet. But Jinyoung wasn't done, he was aiming the last shot, which was supposed to knock the opponent to his knees, winning once and for good. He whispered, "GOT7 needs you... _I need you, remember."_ Mark's breath stopped as he lifted his head to look at Jinyoung - but when he realized how close their faces were, how the two of them almost breathed the same air at that moment - Mark suddenly let go and fixing his position on the floor, moved away from him awkwardly, clearing his throat.

Jinyoung won again.

  
He'll be the death of Mark someday. Probably very soon.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt of writing a non-au fic inspired by hard carry era. I hope you'll like it :)


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